Get Off My Lawn Meme

A Personal Letter from the Developer

Please be sure to read this blog entry thoroughly BEFORE giving your feedback!

DISCLAIMER:

This blog post is sure to inspire its fair share of controversy. Therefore, before we go on, let me make one thing abundantly clear: I am an embittered, stubborn, and crotchety old man. That’s it. Just keep that in mind as you’re reading this…

Part I: My Inspiration

The Lost Art of True Arcade Gaming

I was born in 1970. I was there to witness the birth of “The golden age of arcade video games”. Although I truly appreciate how far we’ve come as a society, still, sadly…there’s honestly very little under the sun that can impress me anymore, with rare exceptions.

Sony PlayStation Net Yaroze Devkit
Sony PlayStation Net Yaroze Devkit

I have owned game consoles ranging from the original Atari 2600, to the original Nintendo Entertainment System, and the first-generation Sega Genesis when it was released. I also sent Sony Computer Entertainment a personal check for just over $1,000 US dollars to purchase their matte black Net Yaroze indie developer PlayStation dev kit. The very last game console I ever purchased for my own personal enjoyment was a Nintendo Wii—unless you want to count the Raspberry Pi I purchased to run RetroPie on occasion.

In my time, the benchmark for video game graphics and performance were dedicated arcade cabinets: Those often vertically-standing cabinets that you would have to dump quarters into for each round of play. Lurking in dark dungeon-like video game arcades was the height of social interaction in the days of my teenaged past, although it wouldn’t be unusual to see an arcade cabinet near the entrance of a convenience store or movie theater.

I mentioned before that I truly appreciate how far we’ve come as a society. However, whenever I fire-up an old arcade ROM dump on my RetroPie install, I cannot help but feel that the grit of those old arcade games is all but lost. Even modern “pixel art” games don’t quite do enough justice to capture the high stakes of arcade gameplay. While I applaud and appreciate the efforts of the developers of these retro-style games, I still feel there is something lost in translation. What I don’t fully appreciate is the fact that the burden is on me to adapt to the times.

Part II: My Motivation

You Can Only Push A Man So Far

Okay, so here’s what pisses me off the most about all this: I am what you might consider an “arcade purist”. For one, I refuse to play “casual” games on any mobile device. I would rather be buried up to my head in a scorpion’s nest. I mean…I guess I’m glad that grade school aged girls like my granddaughter can enjoy playing games like Among Us on her tablet while getting her hair braided. It’s cute. Meanwhile, for all the tens of thousands of dollars I’ve surely contributed to the gaming industry, I feel that—in this age of “accessible” games—my demographic of hardcore arcade purists are no longer relevant to the market.

Worse still, my very favorite genre of video games are what in my time were affectionately categorized as “shooters”. However, with the runaway dominance of “first-person shooters”, that genre is now better recognized as “shoot-’em-ups”, or “shmups” for short.

YET ANOTHER DISCLAIMER:

Now in this next section, some of y’all are more than likely going to feel personally attacked. Please understand that is not my intention, so I urge you; don’t take what I’m saying so personally!

Much to my annoyance, I get exasperated with younger generations wanting to pile all sorts of goofy shit into the shmup category. No…Fortnite does NOT count as a “shmup”. Please just wash my eyes out with bleach and staple them shut if you’re going to insult my favorite genre like that. Even more maddening are all the cutesy retro-style so-called “Touhou” “bullet hell” shmups where you play as some little Japanese anime girl in a pleated dress wielding magic bullets that burst your enemies into golden coins to collect like some goddamned Mario game; all the while she chirps at you incessantly throughout the whole experience. Just…no…okay? No. It’s fine if you’re into games like that, but…man…just…it’s a hard pass for me, sorry! Consider me admittedly closed-minded on that front, thanks.

But here is the biggest insult that I have to suffer as a diehard fan of shmups: Literally every other genre of video game, from sports games to action games, especially first-person shooters and even platform games—all of them have demonstrably evolved over time to take full advantage of the cutting edge of graphics processing that modern technology allows. 

Platformers Then……vs Platformers Now
SMUPS Then……vs SHMUPS Now
Now, you might argue that I’m cherry-picking a pixel art shmup in my example, but in all truth; there are a greater proportion of 2D pixel art shmups being developed these days than there are of any other style

Heaven forbid a shmup have some photorealistic rendering, and even then; the developers spoil the experience with a scattered mess of visual effects which cause nothing but on-screen clutter, or what I affectionately refer to as *”magical neon unicorn barf”™ (*please feel free to credit me with coining that phrase…you’re welcome). And to add insult to injury, several of these more photorealistic shmups have…you guessed it…a cute little Japanese anime girl with blue hair (or equivalent) chirping away at you the entire time as you play. Two good examples of this are Ether Vapor and Astebreed, both developed by Edelweiss, which—while admittedly visually stunning—proceed to take a steaming hot diarrhea dump all over the experience with a sheer exhausting amount of anime schlock. I love anime, mind you. If you never watched Sol Bianca on physical Laser Disc with your nerd buddies in college, then you have no right questioning my loyalty to the genre. 

So maybe it’s not that I am the one who is so stubborn to change: I would argue that it’s the gaming industry that has refused to evolve with the times when it comes to the shoot-’em-up genre. It’s like I have grown-up, but shmups as a genre haven’t. 

I came to the bold conclusion that, if I ever want to enjoy a “shooter” that harkens back to the golden age of arcade gaming, then I would have no choice but to develop such a game on my own, knowing that it more than likely will not be popular among the casual gamer masses. But still, I cannot help but feel it is an effort worth taking, try or fail—someone has to be the one to push arcade shoot-’em-ups into the modern era with a vengeance. And then, I started thinking…

“Well…why not me?” 

Part III: What To Expect

The Manifesto of an Angry Shoot-‘Em-Up Fan

Here’s an analogy: You know how some people like their coffee to be “fancied-up”? e.g.; For their coffee to come in some tall decorative cup with all sorts of sweeteners, flavors, whipped toppings, and sprinkles? That would be modern shmup games like Ether Vapor or Astebreed: Great to look at, smells wonderful, and tastes like candy. But sometimes, other folks might like their coffee a little less froo-froo, and prefer it straight, black, and in a small unassuming foam cup: That would be more traditional arcade-style shmups, which may even include modern homages to the shmup genre that are presented in pixel art. Well, shmup fans like myself have had to settle for dubious coffee that’s been shat out by a highway rest stop vending machine, having to fall back on emulators such as RetroPie in order to get that good old fashioned fix of nostalgia. 

But what’s missing is that small quadruple shot of espresso in a tiny cup that has no frills, no sweeteners, no additives, and no gimmicks that I feel are holding the classic arcade shooter genre back from evolving into its ultimate potentials. 

Design Considerations 

YET ANOTHER FURTHER DISCLAIMER:

Please note that I am NOT criticizing the following examples of games for their high production values! They are all objectively excellent in that regard. The following are just nitpicks of my own in terms of style choices that I intend to do differently. Let’s see how far any of you can make it through my list without the “I stopped reading after…” copout of blissful ignorance… 

That said; here are all the common pitfalls of the shmup genre that I will avoid at all costs:

  • No retro-style “pixel art” graphics
  • No floaty bullet dots: In particular, no slow, lazy, meandering bullet pellets, and no “bullet hell” mazes or patterns
Bullet Hell
Bullet Hell
  • No waves of “popcorn” enemies that swarm onto the screen, choreographed like synchronized swimmers, that appear purely as fodder
  • No enemy attack patterns: All enemy behavior should be emergent, and each enemy should respond directly and intelligently in real-time to the player’s own actions, e.g.; dodging and strafing to avoid the player’s attacks
Astebreed Enemy Waves
Just look at these goons; all marching in a row like idiots, waiting to be popped like popcorn…
  • No item drops such as power-up icons or other collectable tokens, coins, etc. 
  • No floaty “moon gravity”: Objects of considerable mass should fall at a consistent rate commensurate to the physical laws of the natural universe
  • No “Magical Neon Unicorn Barf”[™], i.e.; no cluttering the screen with bright, streaky, neon-lit anime-style visual effects
100% Pure “Magical Neon Unicorn Barf”
  • No visual on-screen clutter, e.g.; excessive overlays, HUDs, status indicators, enemy hit counters, etc.
  • No scoring system: More importantly, no pop-up hit counters or score tallies on dispatched enemies
Astebreed HUD Confusion
Mind you: This is just a still screenshoot…imagine having to keep-up with all this during gameplay!
  • No persistent audio or visual com chatter throughout gameplay
  • No “spammable” (crutch) weapons, e.g.; tracking/homing lasers and/or missiles, “super bombs”, “special” attacks, etc.
  • No “spammable” abilities—especially not those that grant temporary invulnerability, e.g.; the infamous Star Fox “do a barrel roll”
  • No “buffing” the player character, i.e.; the player should be fortified with all the weapons they will need from the beginning of the game, and should not have to depend on collecting power-ups in order to advance
  • No checkpoints: If you die, you start over from the beginning of a level with limited continues
  • No ponderous slowness, map traversal, back-tracking, or empty “downtime”…like…ever
  • No difficulty settings (none needed)
  • No intricate, nested, RPG-like menus or mid-game player configuration screens 

I know some of you read through my list of grievances groaning and thinking, “so…how exactly is this game supposed to be ‘fun'”? AND THAT, MY FRIENDS, IS PRECISELY MY CHALLENGE! And I believe I can do it. In fact, I’m certain of it. 

And enough with all these disclaimers…let me put it to you straight: I am not here to seek your’s or anyone else’s faith or approval! What challenge has ever existed that wasn’t met with abject doubt? That’s the whole point of the challenge, isn’t it? That someone faces harsh and bitter condemnation and criticism for having the audacity to believe that they can, and yet, finds the means…the internal strength…the competency…the devotion…to accomplish that which other people might deem “impossible”. 

Look, folks: It’s not like I’m building my own rocket to the moon. I’m just trying to make “a cool video game”, okay? I have no agenda other than that. I’m doing this out of sheer necessity, because no one else seems to be willing or able to make the sort of “shooter” that I can finally say is the modern equivalent of the old-school arcade classics that I so revered. 

But HOW, exactly, do I intend on accomplishing this? That’s a fair question! 

Pont And Laugh
https://youtu.be/5BaOvM9jXKg

Well, that’s the thing: It will do me no good to explain myself to you. And even if I did, you more than likely won’t “get it”…especially if you found yourself rolling your eyes at my list of petty grievances above. *points at you and laughs derisively* Therefore, obviously, you will understand more when you are able to see and maybe even play the game for yourself. Then, you can decide for yourself if I was able to forego all those nitpicks I listed above and still make a game that is arguably compelling and FUN. But, unfortunately for you, you will have to just wait.

In the meantime, what you CAN expect from my game are: 

  • Manic pacing
  • A brutal difficulty curve
  • Physical realism, e.g;
    • Gravity that works like real gravity
    • Bullets that traverse the playfield with the real speed of bullets
    • Lasers or other beam weapons that are instantaneous
    • Graphical photorealism, including realistic lighting effects
  • Percussive, thunderous weapon and explosion sound effects

In all hopes, the game will play like a cross between Astebreed with its dynamic camera angles and multiple auto-scrolling directions, and Devil May Cry, with its run-and-gun / hack-and-slash action. It would also be nice to have an awesome soundtrack to go along with these features, but we’ll discuss that in future post, though…

“No, but seriously, dude…why no score?”

*pinches bridge of nose and sighs* Okay…so be it…let’s have a real argument, then. 

Let me ask you: What are the two main bragging rights of defeating any given shmup? 

Ninja Turtles Arcade High Score Screen
Looks like no one has fallen the mighty Shredder today..

First of all, for those of you who grew-up with access to the internet already at their disposal: You might not ever remember the original way to brag about how skilled you were at any given video game, and that was the venerable high score ranking (aka “leader board” to you casual plebs), which stood as a sacred monument to those brave warriors who fought valiantly to earn enough points to list themselves as “ASS” or “TIT”, because of course you would. As a gamer, that was your rite! To leave child-inappropriate three-letter signatures every time you ranked a position on the high score screen (which made for an interesting proposition for those arcade cabinets that sat in the lobbies of movie theaters or in the entryway of convenience stores). And your “DIK” or “CUM” would last as long as the arcade venue didn’t cut power to their machines at the end of the day. So surely I of all people understand how important some players find setting a high score in a game…especially now when you can whore your achievements to the rest of the civilized world via the internet. 

But, I submit to you that there is one achievement that ranks even higher above setting a high score, and that, my friends, is the 1-credit-clear, or 1CC for the casuals. 

Why Not Both Meme
Why Not Both Meme

Now, before you quote the “Why Not Both” meme, hear me out: Ironically, the one thing that earlier arcade machines didn’t rank were the 1CCs. Imagine if the 1CC had been on the leaderboard of the original arcade version of Raiden? In that case, your n-million points as “TIT” means nothing to my 1CC as “ASS”. I have done the one thing that few other arcade warriors before me could claim: 

I. Beat. The. Game. 

I layeth the smacketh down upon the game’s final boss. I personally served M Bison his eviction notice. I made through both rounds of Ghosts ‘n Goblins to get the true ending. And if other gamers were there to witness, then A LEGEND IS ME. 

And yet today, in this day and age of Warholian internet whoredom, it’s entirely possible for me to stream my gaming session in real-time to anyone in the world via YouTube or Twitch. 

So now, imagine a game that is so relentless…so unmerciful…so unforgiving…that the primary bragging right of anyone playing is that they SURVIVED UNTIL THE END. 

[dramatic pause]

Oh…wait…that’s Dark Souls! 

Yes…that’s right! If you’d ever slogged your way through any of the Dark Souls series, you know that the #1 goal is the coveted 1CC. 

And that’s my point, you ninnies: If Dark Souls could make players cry with joy upon achieving their first 1CC, then where is the shoot-’em-up equivalent? Where is the shmup where—like Dark Souls—the game is so relentless…so unmerciful…so unforgiving, that the ultimate bragging right would be the first person to ever upload their 1CC of the game? 

I will be making that shmup. And it will be called… 

Blasternal Logo
The title “Blasternal” just came to me out of the blue one day…a sort of portmanteau of “blaster” and “eternal”…I could see the title in my head, like an old classic like Defender on an arcade cabinet’s marquee…

“Okay, sure…but what about re-playability?”

Again, that’s a perfectly fair question; and again, we’ll have to discuss that in a future post. For now, let’s just focus on the topic of why I am choosing to deny players a running score in lieu of a 1CC achievement, in hopes of making my game the Dark Souls of shmups. 

P.S.: But if you made it this far through my commentary, then—congratulations! Consider this post an analogy for my game. And in this case, you’ve successfully made it past the first level boss. You are more prepared than the rest for what’s to come, and are braver and wiser for it. So now that you know, be ready… 


P.S.: If you want to continue this debate with me, please come join me on our official Blasternal Discord Server: https://discord.gg/Jk3E7ezJrQ